I used to learn the piano in primary school, something not many people know and I rarely mention, save for desperate attempts at filling up the "Others" column for scholarships. I quit after a few torturous years (for me, my mum and my piano teacher), though now I cannot really pinpoint why piano failed to appeal to me then, probably due to myriad of reasons. But more importantly, I remember my piano teacher telling my mum when I quit that perhaps the decision was a good one, because I seemed to have a lot of anger in me.
Coming to think of it, I doubt anyone suspected such an observation to be a result of anything but impatience typical of a young child. I'm a perfectionist in character although such a notion seems laughable for someone who's quite messy and arty-farty. Nonetheless, it's true. I used to tell myself that I can only make 3 mistakes during each piano lesson. Such a high expectation of myself resulted in undue, immense self-pressure that made me even more prone to mistakes, leading to great frustration.
When I thought my piano teacher wasn't looking, I would pinch my own hands as a form of punishment for failing me. For failing my expectations. Perhaps my teacher inadvertly saw and that was why he made such a comment to my mother.
In a way, I always expect people or things to meet my expectations, and I don't take kindly to failure. And by trying to punish something, I ended up hurting myself.
Or perhaps I'm just punishing myself for everything not being perfect. The cycle never ends.
Coming to think of it, I doubt anyone suspected such an observation to be a result of anything but impatience typical of a young child. I'm a perfectionist in character although such a notion seems laughable for someone who's quite messy and arty-farty. Nonetheless, it's true. I used to tell myself that I can only make 3 mistakes during each piano lesson. Such a high expectation of myself resulted in undue, immense self-pressure that made me even more prone to mistakes, leading to great frustration.
When I thought my piano teacher wasn't looking, I would pinch my own hands as a form of punishment for failing me. For failing my expectations. Perhaps my teacher inadvertly saw and that was why he made such a comment to my mother.
In a way, I always expect people or things to meet my expectations, and I don't take kindly to failure. And by trying to punish something, I ended up hurting myself.
Or perhaps I'm just punishing myself for everything not being perfect. The cycle never ends.
